Why. Just Why?!

So, I've been having a miserable couple of weeks. They've been so miserable, in fact, that I've cried more in the past two weeks than I have in the past YEAR.

Last week, I was given Academic Probation (which is basically an hour of Study Hall after school, but with an overly ominous name). I disappointed my dad, and I cried maybe... three or four times that week because I'm also disappointed in myself. Bye-bye Disney World. See you in fifty damn years when I'll be too old to do any of the fun spinny rides.

Then over the weekend, things got a little brighter. I went shopping for some new accessories and got this cute little pair of keychains. One's a boy, one's a girl, and there's magnets in their hands and foreheads so that when put together, it looks like they're kissing. I figured I'd give the boy to Pochi.

Nope. Because on Monday morning he broke up with me.

He said, "Don't get me wrong, I still care about you. I just don't love you anymore."

What.

So... it couldn't have waited until Friday afternoon? Or even Monday afternoon? He had to tell me Monday morning? Hell, at least I could just stay at home and have a shit ton of time to think about it over the weekend, but with school getting in the way during the week, I now have all this other crap to pile on to it that's making my goddamn head want to burst. And I have no time to cry when I get home from school, because on Monday night I had to study for a WWII test (which I STILL got only a flat B on), and the rest of the week has been full of working on an outline for an essay about the British Invasion AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO START WITH IT AND IT'S OVERDUE PLUS THE DAMN ROUGH DRAFT IS DUE TOMORROW. So, all my tears have been late at night when I'm trying to go to SLEEP.

Do you know WHY I can't start the essay or get any sleep?! BECAUSE OF SOME BULLSHIT EXCUSE LIKE "I don't love you anymore" HAS BEEN BUZZING THROUGH MY HEAD AND INVADING EVERY DAMN THOUGHT!

I don't even know WHY it's bothering me. I'M personally incapable of really loving someone romantically, so I dated him because it made him happy. As long as he was happy, I was. I guess it's the thought of why he doesn't love me anymore. What did I do? Or maybe it's the thought of his first statement, "I still care about you." Yeah, if he cared, maybe he would have paid attention to LAST WEEK.

THEN (oh no, I'm far from finished), this morning, I still didn't feel okay. Romano (not using his real name) had said something to me - I don't remember what because I hardly listen to anyone when I feel bad - I just kinda nodded and hmm'd. Then I said "Sorry if I don't really seem like I'm listening today; I've had a couple of bad weeks and I don't really wanna talk about it, so don't ask."

Romano: "I wasn't gonna ask..."
Me: "Sorry, it's just a natural instinct for me to say that because I've been asked that all the time. Don't take it personally."
Romano: "[shit, now I feel WORSE for not remembering this first chunk]. Thanks for ruining my whole day."

And then he got up and stormed out of the library.

So, I apologize first for not really paying attention, and again to explain that I'm used to people asking me what's wrong, and suddenly I'm the damn villain. I even said not to take it personally. It's like when I say (cheerfully and sometimes sarcastically) "aw, poor baby" to pretty much anyone who's pouting/unhappy or when I'm messing around. The people I say that to don't take it personally; especially Italy, whom I say it to the most.

Then other events throughout the week (little, tiny, unlucky things) have piled on to it. Like just now, I'm trapped beneath Dad's laptop, and I couldn't get up to turn on the light. So I un-reclined the chair to stand, but then the cord just got a liiiittle stuck on one bit, but still kept me trapped in the damn chair. So I had to recline back, which caused my outline instructions to fall off the arm and slide on the floor AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE from me.

Ugh...

Just...

UGH.

Oh, and there's STILL tomorrow left in the school week, so who knows WHAT will happen?