Fuckity Fuck Fuck

-slams fist into the nearest wall-

...

-lets out an exasperated sigh and begins tale-

This morning a miracle happened: I actually got up two minutes after my dad turned my bedroom light on (normally I stay in bed for 20-35 mins after he does that). I spent a half hour concerned about what I should wear to school, had a five-minute breakfast that consisted of a hot cocoa and a chocolate covered chocolate chip granola bar, managed to check EVERYTHING, and STILL got outside for the bus five minutes before it comes. AND I had an AMAZING dream last night (about Xiaolin Showdown, of course, but I actually haven't had an XS dream for awhile, so, yeah, amazing).

The biggest miracle: I was happy.

I get to school, still happy and skipping down the hall like the freakish person I am. Something about today felt like it was going to be different. And I don't mean like... someone being sick or having my own practice room for piano for once. I mean like having a substitute teacher in a class completely out of nowhere who is the most amazing person ever or having one of those weird-ass lockdown drills that isn't a drill and is actually happening and shit. Something intense, thrilling, and/or epic.

I met up with a group of school friends in front of the auditorium and everyone was having a pretty good morning, too.

HERE'S WHY I'M PISSED.

Grace hasn't been nice to me lately. Meaning she hasn't been giving me hugs but she'll give everyone else a hug and she'll be happy and smiley until I show up.

Today, I came up to her and shouted out: "IT'S A MIRACLE! I'M HAPPY THIS MORNING!" I had my arms outstretched to hug her, she said no, so I held up my hand for a high-five, and she again said no. Feeling pissed that she hasn't really been happy with me for some reason, I asked her what I did wrong this time (yes it's happened before, but those times it lasted for a couple days. This time its been happening the entire month so far) and why she won't give me a hug.

She said the most hurtful thing in the world for someone I've been best fucking friends with since first fucking grade: "I'm being Anti-Ellie, and it's working out for me!"

I'm sorry, WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

For most people who've had a pretty good life before meeting me and they now have a life that sucks, I know/have a strong feeling that it is either indirectly or directly my fault. I understand and I don't normally care when people point it out.

But when someone who's life sucks MORE than mine (apparently yes it does) and has also been my best friend since first grade says that, it hurts. A LOT. In fact, it hurts more than thinking about the fact that my mom leaving the house when I was eight and now we want nothing to do with each other.

It gets worse.

Me: WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?!

Grace: You hurt my friend!

Me: WHAT?! WHAT FRIEND DID I HURT?! I DIDN'T HURT ANYONE!

Grace: You're seriously asking me that?

Me: GRACE WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DID I DO THIS FUCKING TIME?!

Grace: WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO!

Me: I DON'T DO ANYTHING!!!!!!

Now that last part might sound funny (I'll admit it does), but I'm fucking serious: I don't do anything except get up, go to school, goof off during school, go to theater guild, and then go home.

I asked Pochi/Jack (yes for those who didn't know, we've truced since I dumped mandarin oranges on his head) if he knew what the hell was going on, and he said no. I asked if he could ask Grace whenever he sees her again in the halls or whatever, and he said sure.

TIME SKIP TO THEATER GUILD'S MONDAY MEETING!

I asked Pochi and he said he couldn't tell me anything except that it had to do with Grace saying something like "you mess with my friends and I mess with you". I asked him if it had anything to do with him, and he said yes and that apparently he's the friend.

Grace knows just as well as Pochi and I that we made a truce that is still in effect (don't care if I didn't use the right word).

SO WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG?!

AND WHAT FRIEND DOES GRACE HAVE THAT'S HAD HER BACK SINCE FIRST GRADE BESIDES ME?! (and Annette and Bethany if you three still ever talk...)

Grace is fucking pissed at me for (as far as my understanding goes) no fucking reason.

Wow.

I don't do fucking shit to anyone at school except people I hate A SHIT LOAD, and I still pissed off one of my bestest buddies.

Just.

Fucking.

Wow.